We all know it really, but it’s a hard one to accept...“there are things in life that we have little or no control over”, and never has this been more obvious than it is right now.
Many of us may find ourselves almost fighting against a feeling of helplessness, perhaps trying to force others to do as we think they should or micro-managing our environments. It gives us the temporary illusion that we are in control and that we can prevent bad things from happening.
Others may notice themselves worrying excessively, knowing logically that their worries won’t help, but worrying away anyway. (It’s a bit like frantically rocking in a rocking chair, it doesn’t take you anywhere but it keeps you occupied while you wished it would).
So, what can we do?
• 1. Look at the facts and work out what you do have control over. For example, you can’t control another persons behaviour but you can control how you respond to it. This is quite an empowering realisation, it means that you know where it’s worth putting your energy and where you would be better to let things go.
• In this present time, you can’t physically meet up with friends and family members outside of your own house-holds but you do have control over finding other, quite creative ways of staying in touch. (e.g. make a time with a grandparent and FaceTime them, (if you both have the technology) and do the things you would do if you were re-ally together, like having tea and biscuits at the same time. If you have younger nieces and nephews or little cousins, arrange to have a play-time or story time with them.
• 2. Set boundaries for yourself that are healthy and well thought through and then acknowledge that whether an-other person follows your example or not, is out of your control....you will have done your best.
• 3. Over-thinking is never helpful. Of course we have to make plans for the future, and think things through properly, but if you find yourself imagining catastrophic outcomes over and over in your mind, you are over-thinking not problem solving.
• Imagine that you are switching a switch in your brain that takes you to another, more peaceful and relaxing channel, or watch a TV programme, distraction really works!
• 4. Think of this time as an opportunity to do things you haven’t had time to do before, read that book, write that story, paint a picture, write a letter. Try a TV or online exercise class or a mindfulness app.
• 5.Notice what you say to yourself in your head. We give our thoughts a lot of power by believing them, when actually, most of them have no grounding in fact at all. Use this time as an opportunity to challenge and redirect your thoughts to more helpful and kind ones. Don’t say any-thing to yourself in your head that you wouldn’t say to a good friend.
So, the main thing to remember is that when you find your-self focusing, obsessing or trying to control something that you have absolutely no control or power over, bring your focus back to what you can control to make that particular situation easier to bear.
“You can’t stop the rain from falling but you can make sure you have an umbrella when it does!”
